That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
