I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
