Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
