I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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