I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
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I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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