I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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