just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
