i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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