So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
