Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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