I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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