Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
