there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
