my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
