She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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