Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
