A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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