If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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