he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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