Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
