Define "chronic" masturbator.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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