i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
