Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
