i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
