TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
