I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
