You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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