Pants 0. Shit 1.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
