from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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