The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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