Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
