I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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