Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
