My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
