The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
