Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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