He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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