We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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