yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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