Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
