I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
