is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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