You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize