i just wanna soil my oats bro
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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