How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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