if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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