just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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