I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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