Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
porn star boner night. come get it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
