Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
