is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
