i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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