So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
