i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
