Sponge bath it is.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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