Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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