i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
