Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
