I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
