dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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