You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
