i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
