Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize