Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
