Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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