My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
