I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
