i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
