When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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