At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
