At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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