I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Damn victory sex feels great
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
