Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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