They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
