what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We left the knife in your bed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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