Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
